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H O
W A R D U N I
V E R S I T Y
Faces
& Voices IV
AN ANTHOLOGY OF VERSE AND
PROSE
Adversity
Kenrya Rankin
My mother left me. Although she left me physically, that's not what I care
about. I am referring to the more important ways that she detached herself
from me - spiritually and emotionally. The last time that I lived in a home with both my parents was about
12 years ago, but my mother had left me long before. It started out as a result of one of my mother's biggest character flaws - her being a liar.
Generally people who lie surround themselves with people who believe their
lies and help them masquerade them as the truth. I was always an intelligent, observant little girl, and every time my mother visited a man
other than my father I opened my mouth and told what I knew. She soon became wise to the fact and began to leave me at home or with baby-sitters
when she went on her escapades.
When my parents divorced my father was granted custody of my younger sister
and me and the effects of my mother's absence became startlingly clear. The
first thing that changed was my role in the family. No longer was I
Kenrya, Daddy's Big Baby, bossy older sister to Ka'Leena, just an inquisitive little
girl. I instantly assumed the role of the woman in the house. By the age
of eight I regularly cleaned the house, cooked dinner, and washed all clothes in the house that were made for little girls. While I agree with
people who say that I grew up too fast, I also believe that what I have been
through, and am still living through, has made me a more responsible person.
This has definitely prepared me for all other areas of life.
My mother's indifference, and sometimes downright antipathy, has also caused
me to purposely seek out relationships with people who readily show me their
love. I enjoy it when my friends and family tell me how they feel about me.
When you feel that your own mother doesn't love you, or even like you, it makes it hard to believe that anyone else can. It also makes it hard for me
to trust people and to open up to them because I feel that if I tell them things they will judge me and tell everyone else all of my business. I
think that it all comes down to me having a very hard time trusting others
with my feelings, for fear that I will be hurt. Most importantly, I learned to use adversity as a motivation, not an excuse.
My sister and I provide a perfect example of this situation. Ka'Leena is a
chronic runaway. When she first began her disappearing acts, she immediately blamed my mother's absence as the source of her problems. She
said that she ran because she wanted to live with our mother, conveniently
forgetting that when she left she never ran to my mother's home. She used
her situation with my mother as a crutch - an excuse. I use my mother's treatment as an example of how not to live my life. She indirectly inspires
me to achieve personally and academically. I now realize how the smallest
of actions can affect someone's life, and I am reminded of this every time
my mother calls my house and doesn't want to speak to me. Overall, I feel that my most prominent hardship has also been my life's most
important lesson. I will never forget the way I feel every time I think about my neglectful mother, and I'm beginning to realize that that is all
right.
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