Vaguely love
By Arin M. Lawrence
    
I vaguely remember being regular…
when my general reactions to stimuli were acceptable

But I experienced that wonderfully horrible thing called love
—not real love, but the desire for it at least
That is why I’m now me

I lost myself someplace between sanity and insanity
And then I found myself still unsatisfied
I found myself searching for love

Not a real love, cause those don’t exist
But that surreal love they talk about in the movies…
The love that makes you want to do “other” things of un-normal quality or status

…Searching for love is a ritual I’ve got to get rid of
I need to rid myself of the thought, the theory
that love can be found

When it is sought after, it seeks refuge
—Shelter under which it can hide
Been hiding from me for some time now…

I want a real love but I’ve only known other kinds
and I’m so stuck on the possibility of love
I’ve been accepting fraud currency since day one

Love is a gift that I haven’t allowed myself to receive
‘cause even though I want it, I don’t want my gift to be ingenuine

I’m ready for another day one…

This day one, I’ll learn about love before I start to try love, before I think I’m loved
I will reflect on the love I want to be real
I’ll check with the creator of love

For what other love could determine real love?
The love that set me free will allow someone to love me for me
It will be a real love

© 2001 Arin M. Lawrence