|
Relationships:
Boundaries
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|
| Telling
all. |
I
consider the other person's level of interest and caring before opening
up to them. |
| Talking
at an intimate level on the first meeting. |
I
do not overwhelm a person with things about me. I trust step-by-step as
I feel I am getting trust in return. |
| Falling
in love with a new acquaintance. |
I
allow love to develop. I know the qualities I need in a relationship and
those that are negative for me. |
| Falling
in love with anyone who reaches out. |
When
someone reaches out to me I ask myself whether this person has the
qualities I need. |
| Being
overwhelmed by a person-preoccupied. |
When
I am in a relationship, I am able to "compartmentalize" other
areas of my life and to continue to function in them. |
| Acting
on first sexual impulse. |
My
feelings and my self-esteem decide whether I act on sexual impulses.
"Will I feel good about myself?" is my question. |
| Being
sexual for partner not self. |
I
do not "fake" sexual feelings. I do not have sex to avoid
hurting my partner's feelings. I cannot be nagged or blackmailed
emotionally into having sex. |
| Going
against personal values or rights to please others. |
I
have values that are not negotiable in a relationship. I am not willing
to "do anything" for a partner. |
| Not
noticing when someone else displays inappropriate boundaries. |
I
am wary of someone who wants to get too close to me too soon. I notice
whether someone I am beginning to relate has values and opinions. |
| Not
noticing when someone invades your boundaries. |
I
notice when someone is overly helpful, tries to make decisions for me,
or does not consult me about time commitments. |
| Accepting
food, gifts, touch, sex. |
I
decide before accepting something whether I want to do it. I do not ask
whether the other person's feelings will be hurt if I refuse. |
| Touching
a person without asking. |
I
do not touch others without thinking about whether they have given me
signals that it is okay. |
| Taking
as much as you can get for the sake of getting. |
I
do not "test" in a relationship by keeping track of how much
is given me as a way of measuring love. |
| Giving
as much as you can give for the sake of giving. |
I
do not give beyond what I can afford materially or emotionally because
it makes me feel secure to think I have "sacrificed" for the
other person. |
| Allowing
someone to take as much as they can from you. |
I
am aware of when I am being taken advantage of and I am willing to
confront the other person about it. |
| Letting
others direct your life. |
I
know what I want from life and I have goals in many areas, I listen to
opinions but make the decisions for myself. |
| Letting
others describe your reality. |
I
assume that my perception of what is going on is just as accurate as my
partner's in a relationship. I refuse to allow my partner to tell me,
"You don't feel that way." |
| Letting
others define you. |
I
know who I am. I am wary of partners who want me to be different. |
| Believing
others can anticipate your needs. |
I
do not expect others to read my mind about what is going on with me. I
tell them. |
| Expecting
others to fill your needs automatically. |
I
do not expect others to put me first in everything we do together. I do
not expect a partner to make me OK just by being there. |
| Falling
apart so someone will take care of you. |
I
do not play games about how I feel to get sympathy or support. |
| Self-abuse:
sexual and physical abuse, food abuse, work abuse. |
I
respect myself as a person who is worthwhile. I believe I am in charge
of my body and what others do to it. I take care of my body and my
health as part of my respect for me as a total person. |
